A cat in a suit reclining on a rock reaches toward a golden retriever in a suit, who reaches back out of a crowd of seven more dogs in suits. Behind them a blackboard covered in equations. CA
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cat in a dog's job

$JOBCAT

He got the job. The form they review him on was written for the animal in the other half of the picture.

The questionnaire on the desk is real. C-BARQ, University of Pennsylvania, 100 items, 14 factors, around fifty thousand pet dogs on the database and another thirty five thousand working assistance dogs. About twenty five guide and service dog organisations run it on a young animal to predict whether it will make the work at all. If you are a dog, this sheet decides whether you have a career.

The same lab published one for cats fourteen years later. Also exactly 100 items. 23 factors, not 14, and they are not the same 14.

Ten items below are quoted word for word, with the factor loadings they were published with. Fill it in for him.

C-BARQ

Canine Behavioral Assessment and Research Questionnaire

Hsu and Serpell, JAVMA 223(9), 2003

Identity photograph of the cat in a shirt and tie
subject 001
subject
$JOBCAT, felis catus, in post
reviewer
you
status
printed copy
  1. 1

    Returns immediately when called while off leash

    trainability loading 0.67 frequency scale

    He knows the word. Saito and colleagues habituated 78 cats to four words that sound like their own name, then said the name: the cats told it apart, and told their own name from other cats’ names. Over half answered by moving their ears and head. Under 10 percent moved anywhere.

    Saito et al, Scientific Reports 9:5394, 2019

    BODY
  2. 2

    Obeys a sit command immediately

    trainability loading 0.73 frequency scale

    Trainability is one of the six traits both forms name. Cats sit on cue, and their own instrument scores it on the same 0 to 4 scale. This row costs him nothing.

    Trainability: C-BARQ factor 8, Fe-BARQ factor 15

    FITS
  3. 3

    Will fetch or attempt to fetch sticks, balls, and other objects

    trainability loading 0.61 frequency scale

    He fetches. 924 owners reported it in 1,154 cats, 94.4 percent said it turned up with no training at all, and the cats started and ended more of the games than the people did. Here the item sits under obedience. On his own form the same behaviour sits under play, which is a question about who called the game.

    Forman, Renner and Leavens, Scientific Reports 13, 2023

    BODY
  4. 4

    Is easily distracted by interesting sights, sounds, or smells

    trainability loading 0.59 frequency scale

    The word for it here is distraction. On the cat instrument the same behaviour is two named factors of the 23, Prey interest and Predatory behaviour, and neither is a fault.

    Fe-BARQ factors 16 and 17

    NONE
  5. 5

    Tends to follow a member of household from room to room about the house

    attachment and attention-seeking loading 0.70 frequency scale

    Attention-seeking is the other trait both forms carry. He does this and there is a box for it. Two rows out of ten.

    C-BARQ factor 7, Fe-BARQ factor 5

    FITS
  6. 6

    Barking when left or about to be left on its own

    separation-related behavior loading 0.63 frequency scale

    Never, and never is the wrong answer, because never here means the animal is calm. His own form keeps a whole factor called Directed vocalization for the noise he does make.

    Fe-BARQ factor 3

    BODY
  7. 7

    Excessive salivation when left or about to be left on its own

    separation-related behavior loading 0.61 frequency scale

    Separation is on both forms. The eight signs listed under it here are a dog’s: salivating, howling, barking, chewing the door. A cat left alone does none of those, which reads on this page as a cat who does not mind.

    C-BARQ factor 6, Fe-BARQ factor 14

    BODY
  8. 8

    Chases cats if given the chance

    chasing loading 0.81 frequency scale

    This is a real item on the real form, loading 0.81 on factor 9, and it is on the sheet being filled in about him. Whatever you put in the box, the form has already decided which side of it he is on.

    C-BARQ factor 9, item 3

    NONE
  9. 9

    Dog overreacts or is excitable when the doorbell rings

    excitability loading 0.57 intensity scale

    Excitability is one of the fourteen things this form measures and it is not one of the twenty three on his. There is no cat version of this row to move the answer to.

    C-BARQ factor 10

    NONE
  10. 10

    Dog acts anxious or fearful when having its claws clipped by a household member

    pain sensitivity loading 0.71 intensity scale

    His claws are sheathed until he puts them out. The item is written for a nail that is always there. His own form files the same moment under Resistance to restraint, which is about being held, not about the claw.

    Fe-BARQ factor 9

    BODY
NOT SCORABLE
0answerable as written
0trait is his, sign is a dog's
0no field on this form

what the dog form has no field for

His own instrument measures 23 traits. Matched to the dog form by name, and this mapping is ours so argue with it: 6 land, 6 land partly, and 11 have nowhere to go at all.

Fe-BARQ, the cat formC-BARQ, the form he is reviewed on
General activity / PlayfulnessEnergy level
Sociability with peopleno field
Directed vocalizationno field
Purringno field
Attention-seekingAttachment and attention-seeking
Sociability with catsno field
Stranger-directed aggressionStranger-directed aggression
Owner-directed aggression / Touch sensitivityOwner-directed aggression, Touch sensitivity
Resistance to restraintTouch sensitivity
Familiar cat aggressionDog rivalry
Dog aggressionDog-directed aggression
Fear of unfamiliar dogs / catsDog-directed fear
Fear of noveltyNonsocial fear
Separation-related behaviorSeparation-related behavior
TrainabilityTrainability
Predatory behaviorChasing
Prey interestno field
Sleeping location preferencesno field
Excessive / compulsive self-groomingno field
Other compulsive behaviorsno field
Inappropriate eliminationno field
Elimination preferencesno field
Crepuscular activityno field

There is no field for purring. There is no field for how he gets on with his own kind either. The dog form keeps three fields for that and every one of them is hostile: dog-directed aggression, dog rivalry, dog-directed fear. His form has one and it is called sociability with cats.

employment record, the cat side

  1. September 1868Three cats go on the books of the London Money Order Office for a six month trial. The wage is one shilling a week, for all three together.
  2. 1873Raised to one shilling and sixpence. That is the last rise the post office cats get.
  3. 1952Public complaint that the cats have had no rise in 79 years reaches the House of Commons.
  4. 1950 to 1964Tibs the Great works the post office headquarters in London for 14 years. The building stays clear the whole time.
  5. 15 February 2011Larry is made Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office, the first cat to hold the title formally. He is a civil servant and he is not the property of the prime minister.
  6. todayLarry is still there. Six prime ministers have come and gone over him. No instrument was ever run on him, because nobody had to decide whether to hire the cat. He was already in the building.

Against thirty five thousand working assistance dogs on one database, with a validated instrument to pick them. The cat side of the ledger is three cats on one shilling a week and a wage that took the House of Commons to raise.

the thing the job is actually about

Both forms are guesses at one question: can this animal work with a person. Put all three species through the same test, the strange situation, and count how many come out securely attached.

0 percent secure100

Four points apart. He was never hard to measure. He was measured on the wrong sheet, every year, and stayed anyway.